Not Over It

I've been in bad relationship, just as well as good ones.. nonetheless, all of them have, some way or another ended. some guys were easy to get over, and others took a little time. When you find someone who you want to be there for, someone you want to see smile, make smile, have them make you smile, its not that easy. When you find someone you think about more than you care to share, or when you just want to be in the presence of this person, its not that easy. Have you ever known, you're the perfect person for someone? You know you're perfect for them because you see qualities in them they don't even see in themselves? Have you ever just felt someone with every part of your existence? Wanting to hold them near you and wipe all fears and inhibitions they have away. Allowing them to depend on you for whatever it is they may be in need of? Its not that easy. You just want them to never feel pain, and if you could, you'd suffer whatever pain, so they wouldn't endure another type of suffering. You'd bring back all those they loved and missed, just so they wouldn't feel hurt. this kind of person is hard to get over. so hard, you sit and wish there was someway, they could see inside your mind, and how much space they occupy there, and in your mind.... So, tell me, How do you get over someone you feel this strongly about? .... that's what I thought... you don't.. you just sit and hope they realize, before its to late. NW

what do you call it?

There is definitely not a day that goes by, that I dont think of him. every encounter is so vividly remembered. i can smell him when i think about him. his touch, is almost indescribable.  the earth stands still, immediately at the meeting of our skin, and for that moment, I'm in one of the best elements of my life. my heart floats, my smile is involuntary, and engulfs my entire being.  I just want to be in his presence, even if no words are exchanged, his company is enough for me. His eyes melt me. His smile is breathtaking! The sound of his voice makes my eardrums rejoice, and I'm swept away by his tone. Have you ever seen a chocolate coated human?  I have! Its a beautiful thing.. His skin is so even toned and amazingly smooth, I could caress him endlessly. he knows I have feelings for him, but has no idea of the depth. Outside of me wanting to ultimately do better for myself.. I work so hard, because I want him to know I am a woman, who in his time of need, could hold him down ( don't worry, he's an amazing businessman, he needs me for nothing more than companionship) one of my favorite pass times is laying on a couch near him, while he sleeps. it lets me know he feels comfortable with me, and when hes deep into his sleep, ill gently rub his head, or back, which is usually received, with a deep sigh. almost seeming like a sigh of relief that he doesn't even realize he's doing, because hes out cold. and then i just lay there, and watch whatever's playing. He and I  have the most fun together. He makes me laugh, he tells me things  I need to hear, we joke( well, he jokes me) we watch sports, music, movies, HGTV, dinner, movies, etc.. Out of everything we've ever done, my ultimate favorite, thing remains, our couch time. what does all of this amount to? Lust? love? Infatuation? some might be swayed one way, while others think the other way. me, I call it  heartbreak... NW

I remember like it was yesterday...

I can't really say, it was love at first sight, but I knew I wanted him. Shy me took the back seat, immediately! My friend, and I, were out socializing,  and I spotted him. I made her look at him with me for about five minutes before I built up enough courage to go over to him. He looked rather annoyed and un-approachable. Being a good friend, and trying to save my feelings, and the hurting of my pride, from rejection, she tried to sell me on retreating. As I reluctantly thought about moving in his direction, I never took my eyes of him. To this very second, I can see that image of him daily(I'll spare the details...for now) I  never approach men or initiate conversation, to anyone, as a matter of fact. I was so nervous!!!  despite my nerves, I pulled up my big girl panties, and proceeded in his direction. Outside of him being amazingly beautiful to me, in walking towards him, I became genuinely concerned about his seemingly distraught look.  As I approached him, our eyes met, and nervously I motioned for him to move towards me.  He looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes and pretend he didn't see me,  but, he took a deep breath and came towards me. All I kept thinking was, “don't blow this, don't blow this." When he made his way to me, it seemed as if time slowed down,  and a natural effect swayed the conversation in the direction fate had intended. "What's up?", he asked. "What's wrong? You look upset.. “. He proceeded to tell me he was kind of bored, because  his party was late. The initial conversation wasn't long, but it got the job done. We met! He didn't ask for my number, he gave me his. As much as I wanted to stay at that gathering, work ,the next morning, required a 6am arrival. As I drove home, all I could do was smile. The rest, is how and why, this blog series is being created. NW